The modern dating world is messy, and if you’re actively searching for a partner-in-crime, you understand this pain. Whether you seek short-term fun or long-term companionship, compatibility and chemistry is important. Unfortunately, there is no tried-and-true manual that outlines the definition of the right partner(s), but there are certain social stigmas that can impact the experience, and one such stigma is the hobby of playing video games. Why is that? Are we really that undesirable, or are we simply misunderstood? I’m here to dive deeper into how hobbies shape compatibility and why dating a gamer isn’t a red flag many people assume.

Author’s Note: Dating and romance is a massive spectrum when it comes to sexual orientation and preferences; therefore, this article may not specifically all situations. The article relies on data on heterosexual relationships; however, the overall philosophies can apply beyond that.

Hi, I’m Stephanie, a bisexual female who has dated men and women; however, most long-term relationships have shaken out with men. Also, the majority of my friendships are with males, so I often overhear their trials and tribulations in dating. Not once have I heard a man receive positive feedback from a potential partner on gaming as a hobby. In fact, various sources like Men’s Journal and Your Tango cite video games as a top hobby that heterosexual women dislike in a potential partner, along with things like cosplay, Magic the Gathering, anime, and comic books.

The general public still views video games are a hobby for kids. They may also subscribe to the perception that gamers are lazy, exhibit toxic behavior, are socially awkward, and/or has poor hygiene. This kind of stereotyping projects a negative light and casts shame. Sure, I’ve smelled my fair share of body odor at a gaming or anime convention and have witnessed some individuals that prefer to stay in their basement and whittle precious hours of daylight without so much as stepping outdoors; however, this simply isn’t representative of all gamers.

The good news is that the stigma is weakening, and more people are accepting video games to some capacity. Almost half the gaming population are now female. There’s an endless list of video games directed toward adults with mature themes such as mental illness, trauma, parenthood, marriage, and more. Examples include The Last of Us, Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice, Silent Hill 2, and Disco Elysium. There is also an increase in (higher quality) television and movie adaptations such as Fallout, The Last of Us, Exit 8, Resident Evil (2026), The Super Mario Bros. Movie, and The Legend of Zelda (2027), which may attract new fans who previously never played video games.

Despite improving perceptions, there are still some major hang-ups about when you’re dating. During my stints on dating apps like OkCupid, Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge, I indicated gaming was a hobby on my profile, and my DMs were flooded with interest and disbelief that I, a passably attractive female, was also into video games. Nine out of every ten messages were a comment on my photo at a Nintendo Store or asking what my favorite video game was. Moreover, they expressed admiration at my knowledge within the industry, proving myself not like the “titty streamers” (the derogatory term is a whole other messy topic of its own that will have to be tackled at another time).

So, is dating a gamer is as “gross” as the masses perceive? It’s definitely a spectrum; the answers are never black and white. I’ve dating plenty of men and women who weren’t gamers or remotely interesting in nerd culture. In these cases, I usually tone down my love for video games, but at best, they accepted my hobbies and left me to enjoy them in peace. For many years, I lived happily with that fact. As long as no one judged me for it, then there’s no harm. Besides, I found my Boss Rush Network family in 2020, so I had a strong and steadfast friend group that shared a love for video games. I felt less lonely in a positive community, and honestly, that’s all I truly need to feel seen.

The first gamer I ever dated was only a few years ago. It was a six-month relationship with an older gentleman who a PC gamer. He was never married and didn’t have any kids. We connected over our love for nerd culture, although our fandoms differed. He preferred multi-player games, especially MMOs and was also huge into Star Wars. I was a console player who preferred single player, story-driven games. I’m a single mother with one child, so time spent playing is limited and precious.

At first, it was pretty awesome, as I never was partnered up with someone I thought “was like me”; however, the excitement soon evaporated when his child-like behaviors emerged. He pushed MMOs and other multi-player games on me and would spam my text messages with link after link of gaming news (and as someone who reports on video game news, I almost always heard of it well before he did). The incessant pressure to play how he played made me irritable. Of course, I took into consideration that I was a parent and he wasn’t—and no matter how you spin it— the amount of free time and expendable money differs when you have a kid in the picture. In the end, it didn’t work out. Looking back, the fact he was a gamer—or what he played—really didn’t doom the relationship. It fell apart due to differences in overall compatibility, and his child-like behavior didn’t gel with my more rigid need for routine and understanding. In fact, his constant pressure to play what he played made things worse.

Dating someone that has the same interests is a perk, but not something I lost sleep over, but then I met Adam* (*name has been changed to protect the lives of the innocent!). There was nothing in his online profile that signaled the fact he was THE biggest nerd ever. He was a clean-cut, educated man in his early forties, and a father of two. Adam appeared well-rounded, intelligent, and easy going, so I gave him a shot. As we exchanged messages, I learned he dabbled in Dungeons and Dragons with his kids. The topic of video games came up because my profile made it clear I was a gamer, and our first date concluded with a deep discussion about the Resident Evil franchise. It didn’t make or break how I felt driving home that night, but I was only scratching the surface.

Over time, we got to know one another, and I started to fall for the wonderful human being that he is. As we lowered our guard one by one, Adam admitted that he used to tone down his hobbies often because no prior partner cared for anything nerd culture. I felt a twinge in my heart; I completely understood where he was coming from. Then, when I ranted to Adam about my struggles with Final Fantasy Tactics, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. Turns out, that was his favorite game of all time. Adam patiently coached me through leveling up my characters, but he not only focused on the games he liked, but he also genuinely cared about my fandoms. Soon, we were watching Summer Game Fest and Nintendo Directs together, and it’s pretty epic. We are still together, and bonding over video games and other nerdy stuff has been the cherry on top.

With these shared experiences, it’s clear that dating a gamer can be quite lovely. I even agree with some funny reels that you don’t really need to worry about nerdy partners going out and cheating on you. They are likely playing a tabletop or video game. It is also admirable that gamers are passionate about a hobby. I’d rather date a nerd than someone whose idea of fun is drink and sit in front of their phone or tv all day. Gamers can be creative, patient, have great hand-eye coordination, and think outside the box. Even if you don’t like video games, I’m sure they would be more than happy to give you that me-time to do what you like. Gamers, so long as they have other good traits required for partnership, are honestly ideal. So, if you’re one of those that won’t go near a man (or anyone) who plays video games, you may want to reconsider and broaden your horizons!

Have you dated or are dating a gamer? Do you feel the stigmas of gamers are more fact than fiction? Please share your thoughts with us on our Boss Rush Facebook Group or our Boss Rush Discord.

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